Monday, June 1, 2009

Sausage le' Male

Looks like the Counting Crows are playing Central Park in September.

Figures, I'll be there just in time to miss it the week after, on the 10th. Dammit!!!

In other news, Borders is apparently the le chique le cool place for lonely, single men to be on Saturday nights in my town.

Granted, I'm neither lonely nor single (well, single, but taken), but it was just me at home on a very boring Saturday night, and I was getting stir crazy.

I decided to go there after a quadrupel espresso at Starbucks. I was feeling lively and upbeat from the coffee, but after a few moments, I found something about the place a bit strange.

Then it hit me -- there wasn't even one female in the entire store.

It was a total sausage-fest.

As far as I'm concerned, a little eye candy couldn't have hurt the situation. It's not like I went to check out women, but it's nice to have some good scenery, at least.

It would've been a much better experience if I had something worth looking at besides the wiener-roast of about a baker's dozen of South Florida's most unattractive, hairy men.

I mean, even if I were gay, these guys wouldn't have made the cut.

Now, you may be wondering why I would go to a book store to cure my boredom instead of say...going to a Club, Pub, or Bar -- which is a fair question, and one which I am now asking myself as I type this.

The truth is, I wasn't in the mood to drink and I wasn't in the mood to be around people who were drinking either -- this being another choice that I'm now questioning myself on, since I find that drinking tends to make a lot of seemingly uninteresting people, well...interesting.

But, in all fairness to seemingly uninteresting people, I'm sure they're probably not really uninteresting, per se (some really are, though, as I know a few).

The drinking just enables introverts to loosen up and reveal themselves more. I'm part of that group, so I should know -- in fact, I'm probably uninteresting to people who don't know me, in all honesty.

In any case, I came across some interesting books while I was looking to see if they had a copy of Mat Kearney's new CD, City of Black and White.

They didn't have the Mat Kearney CD, but I was amused by one of the books I came across, which was titled, The Bro Code.

It's full of stupid, but funny so-called 'rules' (a.k.a., the ones that are part of the secret world of men, which is apparently not so secret) that guys follow. It was actually quite witty and definitely provided some light reading, as well as a few laughs.

Here's one for example. This is one is by no means the best 'rule' of the bunch -- I just happened to pick it because I like to wear baseball caps, and I can relate to this opinion:

"Article #24 of the Bro Code: when wearing a baseball cap, a Bro may position the brim at either 12 or 6 o'clock. All other angles are reserved for rappers and the handicapped."

Nice. I never could understand the young guys who wear them in strange, sideways type of angles. To each their own, I guess.

And a few more:

Bro Code, Article #101: "If a Bro asks another Bro to keep a secret, he shall take that secret to his grave. This is what makes them Bros, not chicks."

Self explanatory and true, if only guys were not like chicks -- and they are most of the time when it comes to this rule.

Bro Code, Article #89: "The mom of a Bro is always off limits, but the stepmom of a Bro is fair game if she initiates it, and/or is wearing at least one article of leopard print clothing."

I would add that she is required to be a MILF, otherwise, all said rules referencing stepmoms being fair game are null and void.

See, just look and marvel at all the useful information I acquired this weekend.

Now, if I happen to discover the shangri-la of girl hangout locations, where only attractive, single women that are worth conversating with congregate and spend lots of time -- I'm going to be really pissed off that I didn't find it when I was 'available.'



  1. Hahahahaha. Hilarious. Maybe I shall visit my local Borders this weekend!

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  3. I love the bro code, it seems surprisingly accurate, (can I say that as a woman?) I love Borders too, it's one of your finest exports, when I lived nearer one I went frequently. Strangely it was full of mostly women...

  4. Hahaha, I love the Bro code! And you have a very, very strange mind. But I'm sure you've already been told that. Repeatedly.