Monday, October 19, 2009

Post Meridian, How I Love Thee

I am not a morning person. Not by any means. Whatever the opposite of a morning person is called, that's me.

As I do everyday from Monday through Friday, I walked into the office today hoping no one would notice. It's not that there's anything wrong, per se, it's just that I'm awake. This is a problem for me.

Being completely dressed and at my desk by 9AM is always a source of discontentment during the early hours of the day. If Walt Disney had created a character that was the exact combination of both Sleepy and Grumpy for the film Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs, that would be a perfect example of how I feel at work before noon.

Which brings me to my next thought.

I don't know if it's just me, or if anyone out there like me feels the same way, but the last thing I ever want to hear from anyone as a greeting in the early hours of the day is, "Good morning." I'm not sure exactly what it is about the words, "Good morning" that I hate; all I know is that it irritates me, makes me feel worse, and all I want to do immediately after hearing it is throw things at the person who said it. Foul things, preferably. At the very least, things that make lots of noise when they break or things that smell bad.

In truth, the good intentions behind those words are, for some reason, filtered in my morning brain as pure smugness. When I hear those words, I'm always thinking something like:

"Oh, sure...good morning she says. Easy for her to say. Look at her with her smug little morning grin and peppy little morning steps...stupid morning."

No offense to morning people, because I'm sure you're awesome, lovely people. I just don't want to experience your cheeriness or hear your upbeat voices in the morning. But you would think that I'd be glad to hear someone say, "Good morning."


I mean, it's usually said in such a nice tone and the person usually goes out of their way to say it. They probably meant for it to be a cheery start to the day. So, in a way, I sort of feel bad after I give a scowl-and-grunt, or give a cheesy fake smile, or say it back in that sarcastic, monotone, 'what's-so-good-about-it' kind of way.

Okay, fine. So I'm exaggerating a little.

When I say that I sort of feed bad, I really mean, not at all.

I might as well just say something like, "Bah, humbug!" in response.

I'm the real Ebenezer Scrooge, apparently. Well, before noon anyway. Lunchtime is another story altogether. I cherish and look forward to lunch-time. Oh, glorious and wonderful lunch-time. Especially today. Hopefully I'll get to hear, "Good afternoon" instead. That just sounds so much to my ears.

The words, "Good afternoon" or even "Good evening" are such lovely reminders that it's no longer After Meridian.

Is it just a coincidence that the words 'Morning' and 'Mourning' are so similar?

I think not!

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